12-15 less than 24 hours...

...Emma will be in our ARMS FOVEVER. I have to be honest....it doesn't seem real. I remember how I felt the night before Jay was born and again the night before Drew was born (both were induced by the doctor). And now I sit in the hotel and wait for 3:30 am when my alarm will go off and we will hurry off to our flight, I am filled with many of the same feelings. With Jay, I was worried about the kind of mommy I would be. Would I be able to take care of a tiny little baby? Would I know what to do when he cried? Would he like me? Then, when I was about to have Drew I worried about how I would take care of two. Could I love this little boy as much as I loved my first little boy? Would I be able to be a good mommy to two? Can I teach them both all the things they need to know?

Now I when I think about tomorrow I am filled with thoughts of apprehension. 3 babies...what was this only child thinking? I am excited but do I know how to juggle everything that needs to be juggled? Can I teach her about her birth country, birth mother, first family and circumstances that brought her to our family in a way that shows her how much she is loved, valued and wanted? How do I keep a relationship with her first family...they love her so much and she loves them so much, I want to keep them a part of our family in some way. How will we deal with struggles in attachment that are sure to accompany this HUGE transition that is about to happen her life. How will I learn to juggle all that comes with having three children age 6 to 8.5 months? How will I make each of my children feel like the center of my world---even if just for a few hours of alone Mommy and me time? How do I not let Jay turn into the "go get things/baby sitter"? How do I not allow Drew to become the classic middle child who is always lost in the middle? How do I teach Emma to be independent and strong when she is the baby and everyone wants to do things for her?

The one thing that is different this time is I know that I have more than enough love for all of them. It wasn't hard for me to love Drew as much as Jay as I once feared. It will not be hard for me to love Emma just as much as I love the boys. Tomorrow when she handed to me forever--it is going to be one of the best days of my life. Knowing what all this amazing, beautiful little girl had to experience to find us---is a miracle. I would have never dreamed that I would be traveling to Guatemala to have a daughter...but that is what I am going to do tomorrow. I will be given Emma and she will be loved unconditionally forever. One of my students wrote a comment that means so much to me. It said, "I didn't think you could be any nicer or smile any more...until I saw you talk about your children and your smile glows." That observation is a gift to me. I couldn't be any happier than when I am talking about my family. They mean so much to me. Rob and I have been on some amazing journeys and bring Emma home is the highlight of all our journeys. We will do everything we can to be the best parents to all three of our children. Typing "all three of our children" is something this only child is THRILLED to type!

Tomorrow will be one of the best days of my life.
We are starting a new chapter...I couldn't be more excited.